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I love you

Sometimes I think about the nature of love. It's a complex emotion, as everyone knows. It comes and goes of its own accord. There is no formula or method to predict with 100% certainty who we will love. It is not an absolute feeling. By that, I mean it is not merely defined by a romantic relationship, for example. You don't love someone just because you're having sex with them. Nor is love instantly guaranteed between family members. There are a great many people who share the same blood that absolutely hate each other. I once knew a pair of Japanese twin sisters who fought constantly. It was as if they were two people from alternate universes who would catastrophically explode into oblivion if they stayed too close to each other.

For any relationship to work, I think love is essential. People are often squeamish about the use of the word. It can make a person feel tied up or trapped somehow. It's like complimenting someone, and, for some reason, the compliment makes the person feel uneasy. Telling someone you love them can have the same effect. We often see an image of the manly man in Hollywood who is disconnected from his emotions. He finds it very difficult to tell his children or his lover that he does love them. It's a bit ridiculous. Since we're not guaranteed a spot on this planet forever, I think it's important to tell the people we cherish that we love them.

This week, there was this other idea I had realized. The moment it came to my head it made me pause for a second, then go "huh." I realized that my closest female friends are all people with whom I could have easily fallen in love. In fact, I AM in love with them. Now some of you may be feeling an uneasiness creeping in because of that statement. Don't get me wrong. I don't sit at home fantasizing about them during my special alone time. Ask yourself, what kind of person would you choose to fall in love with. Most of the time, it's a person who has qualities that you admire, something about their personality, how they talk, or how they treat other people. Whatever it is, that becomes a catalyst for love. Physical appearance may also play a small part in this. Some people fall in love with a person based on their face and body alone. I can't because looks are the most unstable element in the known universe. I'm much more attracted to someone who's compatible than I am to someone who's traditionally beautiful. I'd rather have stimulating conversations and lots of laughter and not have to stare at a pretty dull doll.

Now let's think about this further. When you become friends with someone, what is it about that person that allows you to become friends. I would argue that it's all the same things that trigger love. It's admiration, feeling of fondness for the person, and all the stuff that I just mentioned above. In many ways, we ARE in love with our friends. So, I came to the conclusion that I was actually in love with my closest female friends. All of them are people who I could spend hours and days with even a lifetime. I am also attracted to them as women. I guess the only difference between the love I feel for a dear friend and romantic love is whether or not our clothes stay on.

I was talking to someone today who told me that she was worried about being herself to guys because she believes that she is too goofy to be loved. She also believes that to be attractive to someone, she has to be cool and aloof like all of the "beautiful" people she sees from time to time. I kindly told this person that that kind of strategy was doomed to fail. I went on to say that if you go for a person, you should always choose someone who loves you for who you are. If you do that, you will have a greater chance at happiness. If she's looking for a guy who's only looking for someone who fits a physical description or who fits a tight checkbox of what he thinks a woman should act like, then there will surely be pain and suffering down the road. This applies to men too. Once the superficial person gets bored, and they always do, they will go looking for the next person who fits their description. If, on the other hand, someone falls in love with you as you are, or wants to become friends with you as you are, then they will love you for as long as they can. That's why with friends or lovers, I never even try to act cool. I am who I am, shy, quirky, contemplative, goofy, the opposite of prudish, non-stereotypical, and one of a kind. Anyone who becomes my friend or lover has to accept me as I am just as I will accept them, WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. I hope this girl learns how to be comfortable with herself enough to find a friend she can fall in love with.

I took the picture of people I didn't know. They seem like really close friends.


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