School bus

I don't know why but I was thinking about the time when I got off at the wrong stop on my way home from school. One of the first problems was that I needed glasses but my glasses were always broken so I never really saw much of the world when I was young. I vaguely remember getting off the bus stop, and not really being able to see, but knowing that things didn't feel right. My mom was usually there to meet me but she wasn't there. I can clearly remember being overwhelmed by a storm of emotions. It was an empty feeling full of hopelessness and fear. Not only did I not know where I was, but I had no idea how to get home. You see, I was born with a very fractured sense of direction. Even now, without my GPS I would probably be hopelessly lost most of the time.

I don't remember how old I was, but I think I was in 2nd grade. I remember standing on the corner and crying because I didn't know what else to do. Once in a while a face would come into focus from the blurry world of shadow people walking by to ask if I was OK. I don't know how she did it but eventually my mom found me. Maybe she was waiting for me to get off of the bus and I didn't show up, so she asked the driver. Perhaps he told her that he had let me off at a different stop and where to go to look for me. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if she had never found me. Where would I have ended up? I suppose that question is as cosmic as it gets because we can extend that to what would have happened if I had never found her.

There are some people who believe that before we are born we choose our parents. There are things we know that we forget prior to stuffing ourselves into these skin and bones. I sometimes wonder what I was looking for when I was standing on the edge of the universe trying to decide my next home. Did I find it? I guess I'll never know until I return. One thing I do know is that my mother coming to look for me was an act of love. She must have been just as terrified as I was to see the school bus doors close before seeing me get off. If she had never found me, I'm sure she would have also been lost forever.

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